The Misguided Quest to Kill the Ego
In the age of the Insta-famous self-help and spirituality guru, you’ll often hear this idea: "Kill the ego!" It’s pitched as the magic bullet to all our problems, all our social ills. The supposed path to enlightenment (whatever that is) and true happiness. And on the surface, it sounds like a solid, fuck-the-establishment, counterculture elixir.
And, I get it. I’m all for kicking the pins out from underneath the Man’s pedestal, too. Drawing the curtain back on Oz. But this idea of “killing the ego” is not only uninformed and misguided but is actually a recipe for a psychological trainwreck.
Not to mention a sure-fire way to hand over your sovereignty to someone who’ll gladly take it.
First, let’s break down what the ego really is. The popular notion of the ego is that of self-aggrandizing flamboyance. It’s an expression, a way of being in the world, rather than the critical executive function that the ego actually is. So in this way, ego is placed in a faulty polarity situation with the idea of “being humble.”
Quick aside: dig way deep into the etymology of the term “humble,” and we find that it originally meant to prostrate oneself before “authority.” Put your face in the dirt, dim your light; hand over your sovereignty to the King.
So thanks, but no thanks. You can have your humble pie. I keep my sovereignty. And my ego.
The thing about the human psyche—and especially the unconscious mind—is that it “stores” all the information of these terms and their original meanings. You’re not consciously aware of this, of course, but it’s there nonetheless. A program running in the background of your everyday existence.
And, as language is the scaffolding upon which we create our reality, these words mean a lot more than you think they do.
Or, as philosopher-psychonaut Terence McKenna once said:
"What we call reality is in fact nothing more than a culturally sanctioned and linguistically reinforced hallucination"
Back to the ego…
In truth, the ego is like the "master-at-arms" of a "cabinet" full of various psychological parts. These parts represent different facets of our personality and psyche, each with its own set of needs, desires, values, and functions. All of them were created by the psyche—and mostly before the age of 7—so that we could survive whatever environmental situation we found ourselves in. They are the defense mechanism of last resort. Or first resort, if you're a kid.
That environment, by the way, is both physical AND emotional. And it’s independent of socio-economic status. Which is to say, a child can be raised in an atmosphere of extreme abundance and still be emotionally traumatized.
I like to say that the only difference between the rich and the poor is that one cries on marble floors and the other cries on linoleum.
Now these various parts that were created were 100% functional and useful at the time of their creation. The problem is that, as we mature, the parts that were created stay static. They don’t evolve with the rest of our psyche. And yet, given the right environmental or emotional cue, they come on-line, full force, and hijack our psyches.
And this happens in everyone’s psyche. Not just the “mentally disturbed”.
Without a strong, well-adjusted (and fully alive) ego, these parts would be in a state of chaos, each one trying to take control of the psyche’s steering wheel, as it were. Like a ship under mutiny, with the Captain’s hands bound, walking the plank.
Create a great field marshall
So when the Insta-famous gurus talk about "killing the ego," what they’re really suggesting is a kind of psychological anarchy. Without the ego, our inner world becomes a battlefield of competing interests, with no guiding principle to keep things in check.
Instead of aiming to kill the ego, we ought to be looking to make the ego as strong as possible. Think of it this way: the ego serves as the last stop between the various parts collected in your psyche and your Higher Self. Do you want a push-over in that position? Or would you rather have a special ops operative?
Each part of our psyche has something to offer, and the ego’s role is to bring all these parts together in a cohesive way. We’re not looking to eradicate the ego but to strengthen and refine it, so it leads effectively and inclusively.
The path to self-realization—or Individuation, as Jung would call it—isn’t about shrinking the ego but about evolving it. A healthy, well-integrated ego helps us navigate life with confidence and clarity. It sets boundaries, makes decisions, and drives us toward our goals. The ego provides the structure and stability we need for personal growth. And most of all, a strong ego is that part of our psyche that chooses to let a psychological part have its say… or, to escort it to the back of the bus.
So, instead of blindly buying into the whole "kill the ego" mantra, let’s focus on embracing the fortified ego’s role as an obedient field marshall. As the "master-at-arms" of our inner assembly, the ego’s job is to serve the greater self. This involves listening to the various parts of our psyche, mediating conflicts, and making sure every part has its say and contributes to our overall well-being.
Til next time,
Keith
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